Its Over.

11:51

So in the past couple of months, three things ended which I was not too happy to let go off...

First: My First Year at University

Second: We finished the filming of the small budget feature film that I was in, 'The Alexerudd Affair', (which you can read about in my last post!).

And Third: My relationship.

Now when I first set up this blog about a year and a half ago now, I said to myself that I would not make it too personal. But looking at it now and and my previous posts;the attempt to not link this blog to my personal life too much seemed utterly pointless, if only for the fact that most writers get their inspirations from their own personal experiences anyway... I also always say that if I'm not sure then I won't write it - and right now, for some unknown reason, I am unsure about this post... but as I've broken every other 'blogging rule' that I had set up for myself in the past year and a half,  I'am going to keep on writing anyway and just see what happens (test the theory so to speak)...


The first of the three events which I am sad to see leave my life is due to the experiences and lesson which I have learnt this year, and not just in the classroom! Among the many life lessons, I have learnt how to manage my own bank accounts, how to cook pasta and rice to perfection, how to get up on time with out needing my dad to wake me, (okay, almost - but I've improved!) and how that if you look at the other persons elbow when you're high fiveing you Can. Not. Miss. No more awkward and embarrassing high five misses! (Try it and believe). But mostly it comes down to the amazing people who I have met at university. My course mates, my flat mates and all my other friends who I have met along the way and now have to say 'So Long & Fair Well!' until September time when we return for yet another Freshers week... except this time, maybe a little wiser and not so prone to getting lost!


The second on the list I am sad to see end is due to not just saying 'Goodbye For Now' to the joys of acting and filming and playing a character which I love, but also to the people who I got to work with and formed friendships and bonds with which I intend to keep. However, when God closes a door, He opens a window, and where one chapter ends another one begins. And in this case, it is the Post Production! I.e; Editing (*Groan* - So glad I'm acting over editing!) Also the chance to pursue new projects and time off to visit family who I have not seen in a while. And of course not forgetting the wrap party...


As for the third aspect of my life which saw the end this month, I am not optimistic to any 'new guy' or a new relationship with the simple reason being that I just don't want one. It is a common misconception by unfortunately, many people, that you need to be in a relationship/seeing someone/ have someone to be happy. (And now here comes the  part...)


With, (almost), each guy that I have dated since coming to university, I have had an image in my head of what it would be like if this was to progress further and it would get to the 'Meet The Home Friends' stage... Would this guy make the cut? What would they think of him? Would they improve? Be impressed..? What was it that I was subconsciously searching for here..? A guy that could match my new university lifestyle and show all the people back home that I am truly happy and... complete? Maybe. But it was last week that the epiphany hit me. I do not need to bring a guy home to my friends or to show off to any haters that I have every box in my life ticked off since leaving... I have changed so much and become so much happier since coming here that I do not care if I walk in to the bar in which everybody my age in my town seems to gather, with a group of people or completely on my own with nobody by side holding my hand. I am complete in my self, just being me, being single, and not so deep down, I always knew this. I just needed to be reminded.


So am I hopeful of a new relationship/seeing someone/whatever on the horizon..? Hell No. To be honest, I think I need some time on my own to recover from the last one first... 
But on July 7th, I shall walk into that same bar where all the friends/haters/everybody else who goes out in my town will be - Confident. And On My Own. Any actually... I kind of like the sound of that...

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